Nurse Ratchet, Unratcheted

I have had so many hospital experiences in my lifetime, that I am very particular about the hospital staff. There is absolutely nothing more important in a hospital stay than a good nurse. A good nurse comforts you and makes you feel like everything is under control - even if you know very well you are standing on the edge of a cliff and could any moment fall off. My sister Amy is a nurse, and of course she is the very best kind of nurse. She fluffs pillows and makes sure you're comfortable. She tells me, when I am complaining about the hospital staff, that perhaps my expectations are too high. She's right, not everyone can be like her. However, nurses are a lot like teachers in that you can just FEEL the ones who were born to do the job. 

At the asylum there was a nurse who I will refer to as Nurse Ratchet. I'm not sure what I did, other than yell about the soda, that was so awful that she had to look at me like I was...I don't know...like I was just "yuck." She definitely looked at all of us that way. She walked with her shoulders back as if to say, "This is my house, and you little people are going to do what I say." She and I had several minor incidents. I will not describe them all here because it will bore you. I will describe one, in order to give you a good background.

I was expecting my mom, Amy, my sister Lori, and my niece Andrea to come for visiting hour. This for me was, obviously, the highlight of my day. The visiting room is quite large. At one end of the room there is a living room set up, a couple of couches and a tv. At the other end of the room there is a large table where we met to do crafts or groups. One of my inmates was visiting with four family members in the living room area. This left plenty of room on the other end for my family. However, when they walked through the locked doors, Nurse R. came scurrying in and told them that due to lack of space, they would have to come in two at a time. Immediately I burst into tears. 

"There is plenty of room," I said loudly through my tears.

"Yes, but if others come to visit, there won't be any room for them," she said.

My family, wanting to comply, started to discuss who was going to visit first, etc. I was PISSED.  I continued my argument.

"Why does HE get to have his whole family in there?" I cried.

"They have traveled a long way to see him," she said in a condescending tone.

"My family drove an HOUR, too!" I was really getting worked up, and my mom was trying to tell me not to worry about it, and I was telling her that this whole thing was ridiculous.

In the mean time, Amy pulled the nurse aside and politely asked if they could all stay until another family showed up and then they would leave or make room. Nurse Ratchet really couldn't argue with this logical and fair solution, so she reluctantly agreed.

"See," Amy said encouragingly, "it all worked out."

"Yeah, well she's a BITCH!" I shouted.

"Angie, lower your voice. It's okay. It worked out."

"Well, that's all fine and dandy," I said, "but I'm sick and tired of her being a BITCH to me. This a place where we are supposed to get help, for God's sake!"

So, the rest of the visit was fine, as we got on another subject, and I let me issue go with Nurse Ratchet. After my family left, I was bored and decided I wanted to work on a collage I had started working on. They had reluctantly given me a pair of children's scissors, with rounded edges, for the purpose of working on my collage. However, I had to turn them in each time when I finished and ask for them again when I wanted them.

The door to the nurses station was open, so I walked in and asked Nurse R., who was sitting at the desk, if I could have the scissors. I even said, "Excuse me, but I was wondering....". 

She looked up at me and said, "IN A MINUTE."

Whoa. She is definitely mad at me. Perhaps shouting out the B word about her was not the best plan of action. I needed her now. I stood there for a moment and she looked up again and said, "In a MINUTE."

This, I quickly gathered, was my cue to get the hell out of the nurses area, which I didn't know was off limits because that is where we went each morning to get our pills, etc...So, I waited for fifteen minutes and still no scissors. I went as far as the door, and knocked on the open door. This time a nurses aide approached. 

"I was wondering if I could have those scissors I asked for," I said, still calmly at this point.

"Let me ask," she replied.

UGH! "No, it's fine," I explained, clearly annoyed. "They are just those kiddie scissors - no sharp edges or anything. Perfectly safe, really!" I was being a smart ass again, but I just wanted the scissors.

She turned to go "ask," and I sat down in the chair right outside the nurses station. I had my eyes fixed on a clock on the wall. 

"If I don't have those scissors in less than five minutes," I thought to myself, "I am going to throw a fit. Whatshername goes around here screaming all the time. I might as well add to the fun."

Five minutes passed. I knocked on the door again. The same nurses aide approached. I had myself so worked up that I had that lump in my throat.

"Oh, the scissors. I forgot."

That was all it took. "You know what, just forget the fucking scissors," I said in a monotone voice as the tears trickled down my cheeks.

I turned and walked away, down to my room and to the comfort of my pillow.

I was laying on my side when all Nurse Ratchet and two nurses aides entered the room. The first thing that crossed my mind was, "Who is watching the other inmates?"

"I'm really sorry," said the nurses aide who forgot to ask about the scissors.

"It's fine, really. I'm just entirely sick of this place," I said through sobs, still laying on my side, not facing them.

Nurse R. said, "Obviously it's not fine. You are not our typical patient. You are a very smart and well educated young lady. But the rules here still apply to you. Perhaps you need to think about your actions in this. You came into our area without asking and demanded the scissors. We have a lot going on, and we can't just tend to your needs. Even now, you won't even face us, and that shows rudeness on your part."

In that moment, I thought about all the desperate kids who had sat across from me at school, as I attempted to counsel them. I thought about all the stupid things I had probably said to them and how I had probably missed the point thousands of times.

I shot up in bed and looked her straight in the eyes. "I don't like people to see me cry! This is new for me! And while I may be educated, I am still a patient and this is all still really, really hard for me." The sobs where really hard now, and the words came out only with each breath. "I never knew that your area was off limits. We are in there everyday to take our medicines, and I just barely stepped in. It wasn't like I came in and sat down and made myself comfortable. And I did NOT demand those scissors. I asked very nicely. Listen, just forget it. I'm tired. I'm hurting. I'm hurting, so you'll have to excuse my behavior."

To me, this seemed like an obvious fact that they should have already taken into consideration. What happened next, surprised me. The tone of Nurse Ratchet's voice changed completely. In fact, I could almost not hear her.

"Perhaps we all have something to learn here. Why don't you rest, and someone will wake you for group."

I shook my head yes, and squeaked out a "thank you."

And just like that Nurse Ratchet became unratcheted!