Surviving Surviving: Understanding

Hello...I know, I know. It's been a while. I have been learning in my absence, however. I FINALLY learned how to post several pictures without waiting for download! It is pretty complicated, so I'm proud of myself - after hours of trying! : ) It hasn't just been the learning curve that has caused my lack of writing, however... This blog thing is really taking on a weirdness for me. I want to write, but I find myself strangely detached from this blog. Hmmm.....

I heard a song in the car today that struck a chord:

I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once Im at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin on...

This is from the song, "I'm Movin' On" by Rascal Flatts. I guess in a way I have found it is finally time to move on from so much of what has burdened me in the past. I have realized that the "blame" I've felt about being sick was really put in my heart by my own negative thoughts and self-loathing. It seems obvious, but I'm finally at a place where I can feel and believe this is true. It is an amazing, liberating feeling that I never thought I would feel, quite honestly. I would love to shout from the rooftops to all survivors - of anything - that getting to this is possible.

I have also felt a special urgency lately to be the best mom and wife I can be - not in a pressure-causing sort of way, but in a way that makes me feel accomplished and ready to conquer whatever comes my way. This may sound very corny to some, and it may sound like I am on some sort of "high," but really it feels more like a deep sense of peace to me. Is everything perfect, aka hunky dory? No, of course not. I still get pissed about putting my leg on and walking in the heat and wishing I could do so much more. But the overall sense of myself and my past has taken on a whole new light.

I was trying to come up with what picture would go with this feeling. I guess it was hard to narrow it down. I kept coming back to our 4th of July weekend in Iowa. It was so great to laugh and have fun....do you do that often enough? I haven't lately...but I'm movin on!!!!

Nick switching from his baseball cap to something much CRAZIER!